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PARENTING SKILLS

What are the guiding principles that enable one to be a competent parent?

How is character and conscience formed in a child?

You can understand the substantial concept of

learning by observation

[ modeling ] and the essential element of consistency in discipline and thus have a

plan
that will equip you to be a skillful, wise and loving parent.


Modeling: A examination of the substantial concept of learning by observation with emphasis on the socialization process in children; attention is drawn to the many significant models in the Bible.

Consistency: A focus on how fathers are to bring up children with an examination of the two essential concepts, discipline and instruction; both negative and positive examples are given.


OUTLINE

MODELING 1

A. LEARNING BY OBSERVATION

1. Personality Development [ Also see Self-image ]

a. Motivations

b. Emotions

c. Standards (conscience)

d. Comprehensive

e. Powerful method

2. Stages

a. Observation

b. Acquisition (recorded)

c. Acceptance (play back)

d. Generalization

B. A MODEL TO FOLLOW

1. Imitators of God: Ephesians 5:1

2. Model Believers

a. Paul - II Thess. 3:6-9

b. Timothy - I Timothy 4:12

c. Leaders - Titus 1:6-9

d. Older Men - Titus 2:2

e. Women - Titus 2:3-5

f. Young Men - Titus 2:6-8

g. Slaves - Titus 2:9-10

h. All Christians - Titus 2:11-14, I Thess. 1:4-10, II Corinthians 3:2-3.

C. NEGATIVE MODELS

1. TV, Video

2. Peers

3. Music

MODELING 2

A. SOCIALIZATION

1. Compliance - External Controls

2. Identification Before Internalization:

The Formation of Conscience [ Also see Guilt ]

a. Define: "striving to be like another"

b. Admiration

c.Parental affection: an emotional bond of Love

d. Inner feelings revealed

e. Consistent discipline

f. Variety of experiences over long term

g. Verbal explanations contiguous

h. Community congruent: Family, friends

i. Result: Adoption of traits, values and character of person admired

3. Delay of Gratification: Resistance to Temptations

a. Desire

b. Adult admired: child admired

c. Adult places desire "on hold": complete verbal explanations provided

d. Child frustrated, but trusts adult

e. Adult "delivers" as promised

B. THE BIBLICAL MODEL

1. I Thess. 2:10-12

a. Blameless

b. Father care: encouragement

2. I Thess. 2:5-9

a. Integrity: sincere

b. Mother care: gentle - loving

c. Productive: hard work

3. The Gospel According To You

a. I Corinthians 10:31-33

b. I Corinthians 11:1

CONSISTENCY

A. CHILDREN

1. Needs

a. Security: Unconditional love

b. Significance: self esteem

2. Response of Parents

a. Affection: emotional bond of love

b. Consistent discipline

B. HOW NOT TO BRING UP CHILDREN:

HOW TO OFFEND; PROVOKE TO ANGER

1. Lack of Parental Affection

a. No physical affection

b. No time alone

c. Not saying THANK YOU

d. Not praising

e. Not saying I LOVE YOU

f. Breaking promises

g. Always busy

h. Ignoring me, -not listening; opinions don't matter

i. Insults: "clumsy", "sloppy", "dummy", "stupid", "no good"

j. Teasing, making fun of me; allowing others to put me down

k. Critical, sarcastic, comparing me with others, bringing up past to deal with present

l. Parental discord, bickering

m. Role-reversal, (parent expects nurture from child)

n. Vicarious (adult lives out desires through child)

o. Seductiveness,-sex abuse

2. Lack of Consistent Discipline

a. Neglect

b. Permissiveness

c. Bail out

d. Inconsistency (discipline today but not the next time for same problem)

e. Possessiveness (dependency of child fostered; thinking for child)

f. Demanding too much

g. Punish in anger

h. Misuse of force - cruel

i. Yelling

j. Foul language

k. Physical abuse

C. FATHERS: HOW TO BRING UP

1. Who? - Fathers

a. Ephesians 6:1-4

b. Knows family members

c. Has plans and goals

d. Motivates

e. I Thessalonians 2:7-8,11-12

2. Paideia: Proverbs 22:6

a. Child training

b. "Nurture", KJV; "Training", NIV

c. Child education: guidance, correction

d. Discipline is NOT punishment only:

Psalm 23, "Rod and Staff", "Goodness and Mercy"

e. I Sam 2 and 3: Eli's son

f. Hebrews 12:11

3. Noutheteo

a. Specific teaching with a corrective and problem solving approach

b. "Instruction", NIV; "admonition", KJV: counsel; warn

c. Proverbs 23:19-28

QUESTIONS ON CONSISTENCY:

1. What are two essential elements of parenting?

2. What was your parent's style of parenting?

(Review the four styles:
1 Dominant,
2 Neglectful,
3 Permissive and
4 Affectionate-Discipline.)

3. What is your style of parenting?

4. What is the basis of behavior modification?

Compare this with the two primary needs of children.

5. In what ways do you offend your children?

(Provoke to anger) Review the list in the lecture outline;

Rewrite each item as a positive concept.

6 . How could you improve your parenting style?


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